If I had to pick out of the seven deadly sins
perhaps pride
is my greatest fault
because I cannot see you
Evil and goodness
Miracles of life abound
like that documentary about our origin
the beginning of the universe
how I felt a shiver
a tingle
how uncanny
how small
how indescribable the ice and how I felt an out-of-body experience
for a moment I felt so connected
and tiny
that the very atoms of my body came from
an explosion
of stars
that I will one day turn back into
the star dusts
how my life is so temporal
How, I would rather
become materials in deep space
than to drink from fountains of life
clothed in white

No, I saw you
caught a glimpse when I saw the immenseness
of the darkness
and mystery
of the galaxy
where life
LIFE was a gift
where for a fleeting time
time and all the right conditions
made it possible for us to catch that glimpse
of where we all came from
a miracle
but suddenly
you became unbelievable
a santa clause
a easter bunny
a fairy
an old man with beard
with a son who died without sins

If you created the universe
you will have no hands
no face
no image from which we are borne from
because the most wonderous things
have no forms
like the immense black of space
like music which speaks to my
very soul
like the very feeling in my heart now
of the gratitude
the disbelieve
and desire
to reach you
like the tears behind my eyes
not yet formed
they have no shape
nor substance
I do not want to rely on what the eyes can see
or even what the mind can conceive
or what the heart feels
nor do I want to name you
find you
like the WORDS
they are a child's
You will be outside of words
but they are all I have to offer
and all I can reject
but
I can never live without
like the believe in you
even if you are no longer
GOD
nor a father-in-heave
nor a Jesus
you are not a you
permeating even the vacuum in space
in everything we call fate
in time
in life
in death
in existence
in non-existence
in materials
in non-materials
in prehistory
in history
in the good
the evil
you are there
and you are not YOU.

IT IS.
It is not.
You are.
You are not.
I am. Not.

GOD?