lying on the ground, hearing the tires rush past on the gravel, feeling that warm liquid oozing out surrounding him such that the cold winter air is suddenly gone. replaced by this warm, living pool of pulsation embracing his body. THe very thing which ran through his veins have suddenly poured forth like a dam has burst from inside. All of sudden, insides and outsides, here and there, now and then, past, present and future become insignificant. His skin which separates him from his surrounding all of a sudden became permeable, the world flowed into him as he flowed out into the world.
He felt warm and happy like a drunk, only he had had the best cosmic cocktail. He is among the stars. He thought of his Mum, and how she would grieve and cry when she finds out about his absence tomorrow, but he felt a strange detachment, a liberty, as if all the chains, responsibilities which had had him for so long had evaporated. He felt at ease, peace in a very deep sense. Like monastry bells in a Buddhist temple he once heard on a mountain in central Asia. It rang deep and clear and touched him right in his core. Peace was a raw, and intense, he submerged into it. It made him feel small then, as if he was just a grain of salt dissolved inside this overwhelming of existence.
But the feeling now was quite different, his blood surrounding him reminded him of his mother womb and brings him right back to the very beginnig of his existence, the sounds of the body, his mother's blood circulating against the walls of her womb. He felt himself grow bigger, larger than his own individual memories. As if the very skin which divided him from the rest of existence, finally caved in and he expanded and grew small all at the same time. He had never been one to think about his own end. He lived day to day. Yes he has his regrets, but all that seem unimportant and small now. The fallen leaves on the side of the road was more real. They were beautiful, almost in a transendental kind of way. As if this beauty was more permanent than all of his life, which seemed like a great movie at this moment. HE felt his skin fall away, as if it was just a slippery suit he could easily slide out from.
All his questions and plans for the next day slipped away, glided across the blue sky like those clouds he saw, like the breeze he felt still blowing those sails somewhere else. Is existence so pointless afterall? He thought at his final moments at least he would receive an enlightenment and a putting together of all those confused pieces of the puzzles, of all those moments of his life, places he have been, sounds he have heard, people he have met all these would somehow form some beautiful elaborate pattern which explains his birth, all those seconds, moments past and finally his...death. He saw an ant by his little finger, crawling onto his nail up the back of his hand. But no such enlightenment came, no flashback like a tape rewinded, only the falling away of questions, of trying to make sense of his life, of finding the answer. Only the tenses, did it happen, is it happening, about to happen right now? Time what is time? space? What is space but the confirmation of being fixed, of being only a single point. A quietness descended.
Passerbys and concerned drivers have now stopped all along the raod, and made to witness this young man's flight. But all they saw was this mess of blood and some thought they saw stars in his eyes, perhaps they were tears. Or maybe it is his life flashing before him. "Life is so senseless. a woman mumbled and uttered a pray. ' God take this young man into your hands' . Like a butterfly floating in the blue blue skies, he became leaves, and the wind, and returned to the place all existence came. Bells ring in a mountain monastry as it once did to the ears of a young man.
He felt warm and happy like a drunk, only he had had the best cosmic cocktail. He is among the stars. He thought of his Mum, and how she would grieve and cry when she finds out about his absence tomorrow, but he felt a strange detachment, a liberty, as if all the chains, responsibilities which had had him for so long had evaporated. He felt at ease, peace in a very deep sense. Like monastry bells in a Buddhist temple he once heard on a mountain in central Asia. It rang deep and clear and touched him right in his core. Peace was a raw, and intense, he submerged into it. It made him feel small then, as if he was just a grain of salt dissolved inside this overwhelming of existence.
But the feeling now was quite different, his blood surrounding him reminded him of his mother womb and brings him right back to the very beginnig of his existence, the sounds of the body, his mother's blood circulating against the walls of her womb. He felt himself grow bigger, larger than his own individual memories. As if the very skin which divided him from the rest of existence, finally caved in and he expanded and grew small all at the same time. He had never been one to think about his own end. He lived day to day. Yes he has his regrets, but all that seem unimportant and small now. The fallen leaves on the side of the road was more real. They were beautiful, almost in a transendental kind of way. As if this beauty was more permanent than all of his life, which seemed like a great movie at this moment. HE felt his skin fall away, as if it was just a slippery suit he could easily slide out from.
All his questions and plans for the next day slipped away, glided across the blue sky like those clouds he saw, like the breeze he felt still blowing those sails somewhere else. Is existence so pointless afterall? He thought at his final moments at least he would receive an enlightenment and a putting together of all those confused pieces of the puzzles, of all those moments of his life, places he have been, sounds he have heard, people he have met all these would somehow form some beautiful elaborate pattern which explains his birth, all those seconds, moments past and finally his...death. He saw an ant by his little finger, crawling onto his nail up the back of his hand. But no such enlightenment came, no flashback like a tape rewinded, only the falling away of questions, of trying to make sense of his life, of finding the answer. Only the tenses, did it happen, is it happening, about to happen right now? Time what is time? space? What is space but the confirmation of being fixed, of being only a single point. A quietness descended.
Passerbys and concerned drivers have now stopped all along the raod, and made to witness this young man's flight. But all they saw was this mess of blood and some thought they saw stars in his eyes, perhaps they were tears. Or maybe it is his life flashing before him. "Life is so senseless. a woman mumbled and uttered a pray. ' God take this young man into your hands' . Like a butterfly floating in the blue blue skies, he became leaves, and the wind, and returned to the place all existence came. Bells ring in a mountain monastry as it once did to the ears of a young man.
posted by Nippy at 10:13 PM
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